Notes: It’s my day on spring_with_xan! I’m really excited about posting here. I have four different entries – 3 sets of drabbles and one fic – involving each of the main characters and a few minor ones around the same theme. They are all told in second person from Xander’s point-of-view. I’ll be posting throughout the day.
Summary: What happens after you lose an eye
“Shh,” you hear a familiar feminine voice. “You’re safe, you’re safe.”
You open your eyes to realize that you’re lying with your head in her lap and – was she always this beautiful? – this is the most relaxed you’ve felt in ages.
The blinding pain that was with you before is gone. “Am I dead?” you ask. It’s a natural question. She’s here.
“But it’s nice here,” you protest.
“Xander,” she doesn’t exactly scold you, but there’s enough edge to her tone not to argue. “It’s not your time.”
“Soon, though, right?”
“You should have more faith in my daughter than that. Don’t be afraid that she won’t be with you for the whole journey. She’ll be there when you need her. Dawn will need you. Be there for her.”
“I don’t see how I can be much help.”
“You’ll see as you always have, not with your eyes, but with your heart.” Her words drift over you. She lets you rest a moment or two longer before pulling you to your feet. “Time to go back.”
“Anything you want me to tell the girls?”
“They know everything they need.” Joyce lifts the hand that you put through the wall, presses her lips against it. “I’m sorry,” she says, “this might hurt a bit.” She presses her lips to your left brow.
And you’re back to the land of the living, with the pain returning full-force.
You’ve never felt as alone as you do now. This is all your fault. You sent everyone back to Buffy’s to get some much needed rest. You couldn’t take the looks of sympathy that were sent your way.
It was ridiculous. You were blind in one eye, not both.
You hear the door open, the light from the hallway filters in unexpectedly, hurting your good eye. And then you hear it, that voice.
“Amazing how a man can get in just about anywhere with a preacher’s collar, don’t you think?”
You scoot as far back on the bed as you can, trying to get away. Is this how you’re going to die? Alone?
You wish someone was here.
You’re glad no one is here. It’s too great a risk for anyone else to suffer.
“Have you made your peace with God?” he asks.
“Go ahead and kill me.”
“Killin’ll come soon enough. I do that now, it makes you a martyr. And I get a whole bunch of pissed off little girls comin’ at me.” He appears to consider this for a second. “Would be easier.”
Caleb touches a hand to your forehead. You close your eyes and hold your breath, expecting the ending to come any second.
He chuckles as he draws his hand away. “I like you, Xander. That’s why I’m gonna save you for last. Let you see me snap the necks of every one of those little girls with your one good eye. You’ll be begging me to send you to the judgment. So, listen to what I say and make yourself right with God for the Judgment Day is a-coming.”
Caleb starts humming a tune that you recognize from the days when you still went to church. “See you soon, Xander,” he promises and leaves.
The pain pills make you wonky. You drift on a medicinal haze as Willow and Kennedy leave, somewhere between sleep and waking.
She takes advantage of the moment to appear. “They seem happy.”
You’re not surprised to see her. She’s been one of your more frequent of visitors, sitting beside Willow on the bed, whispering soothing words that Willow is unable to hear. She’s Willow’s guardian angel, you think.
“No, I’m not,” she responds, having read your thoughts. “You are.”
You laugh once. “Some angel.”
“You saved her life. You saved that girl.”
“I couldn’t save you. If I’d have gotten to Warren…”
“Shh,” she says, placing a finger to your lips. “It was an accident. It couldn’t be helped, couldn’t be stopped. I’ve made my peace with it. I want you to do the same.”
“You couldn’t have known.”
“Where you are… are you happy?”
“Good.” Since we’re all gonna die in our battle against The First, it’d be nice to know that something good and peaceful will be on the other side.
“Xander, have faith. The battle’s far from over.”
“And we’ve done so well so far.”
“No place to go but up.” The ridiculously optimistic tone in her voice makes you laugh and once you start, it takes you a few moments to come back down. She brushes her hand over your hair. “Sleep now,” she whispers.
“You won’t be here when I wake up,” you protest weakly, already starting to slip.
“I’m always with you.”
You drift away from her, under a curtain of darkness and peace. For the first time in days, you feel hopeful.
You putter around the basement of the Summers’ place. You’re more than a little pissed off that they sent Spike away on a research mission.
The one voice in this house you could trust not to give you any pity, to tell you straight that you look like hell and not dote all over you – that voice is gone.
If they told you three years ago that one day you’d miss the blond vampire, you’d have told them that they were crazy. Things are very different now.
You find it ironic that only the demon would treat you as human.